It’s Waitangi Day and I can’t find a single event in Perth in celebration of the fact. I find it hard to believe that the locals are missing an excuse to rip the top off a tinny, even if it is in reference to the deadly rivals across the ditch. Either every scaffolder and bouncer in the State has gone back home or the Aussies are scared the Kiwis will challenge them to a cricket match. It’s OK guys – just remember that the skinny red end of the bat points up.
The Big Day Out is on and I would be really tempted to go and see some of the bands, particularly the locals like Gyroscope and Birds of Tokyo. But as someone of mature age I’m too scared to go in case they direct me to the ‘over 40’s’ segregated area in the cemetery over the road. At least then I could party with some of the residents who have been woken by the volume and help judge the Victoria Beckham Look-Alike Competition.
Once more Western Australia is in its element. Fire, yet again. My heart goes out to those who have lost so much across the country in recent weeks. Lashings of water and very large lumps of air have caused devastation to most of the east, which gives the impression it’s drowning, not waving. Some of the more wild-eyed followers of Islam may believe that Allah is punishing western evil and decadence. If that's the case, you would have to question how he managed to miss Canberra off his ‘to do’ list.
The south west of WA was threatened with a cyclone last weekend and I have to confess to being quietly a little bit excited. I think though, that having glimpsed Port Hedland on its trip down the coast, the cyclone lost its will to live and pounded Perth with a light zephyr and some drizzle on car windscreens. My cat sneezes with more force than Cyclone Anthony managed. Cyclone Yasi was obviously it’s teenage cousin, fuelled up on cane sugar, msg and raging hormones, tearing through the pantry of Queensland in search of a snack, throwing a paddy and slamming the door as it left.
In terms of religious imagery, the disasters do have some rather Biblical overtones, especially when you consider the plagues of frogs (alright – cane toads) and locusts that have also been evident. I’m on the look-out for good poultice recipes in readiness for the boils.