Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Warts and all

Well , my last post was spookily accurate and the plagues of boils have arrived. Sort of. My Persian cat is so high bred that being blue-blooded isn't enough - she's exuding blue mounds like some sort of plague -ridden Smurf. Quite frankly, she's lumpier than a bag full of canetoads.

This isn't however a new thing. She first broke out with a few of these some five years ago,and now has them popping up more frequently than Lindsay Lohan's mentions in court reports.

They're called pseudo mycetomas and despite their ability to frighten small children and make vets salivate at the income prospects they seem relatively innocuous to the wearer, at least until they erupt. My quest has been to find a vet who is prepared to do more than look startled before composing themselves enough to calculate how many payments they can make on their Porsche per blue lump removed.

I figured the Western Suburbs surcharge was elevating the quotes, if not the interest level around the Mosman Park area, so I ventured south of the river by around 100 metres to East Fremantle. I hadn't counted on the fact that hippy vets also have trendy lifestyles and probably many little hippy children to support, so the net result was much the same.

I contacted Murdoch University's vetinary school and was encouraged by their knowledge and pro-active approach to treating the condition. I'm wondering though if I can get a HECS loan to cover the fees as I'm not sure if they were quoting a price to treat the cat or train me as a vet.

It's ironic that I also visited the doctor this week for my own swathe of moles, warts and other nodules that have suddenly swelled to a size big enough to steal the quilt in the night and apply for Government-assisted housing. All I have to do is return there in a couple of days to have a small flamethrower waved over them and I can waltz out again 15 minutes later only marginally lighter of wallet and smelling vaguely of barbecued chicken.

This is just one of the reasons we should all be very grateful we're not cats, aside from the licking your own bottom clean thing.


  1. If I'd known you had warts I wouldn't have let you become my friend on FaceBook. The nodules sound interesting though so why don't you post a few photos of them?

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